Welcome to my blog. This is a place for me to vent and share about my adventures with an bum ankle. Join me as I make the effort to heal and be somehwat normal once again!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Of floors and pain and nerves

Its been a few days since I posted last - but I've been busy. A few months ago, we got an excellent price on laminate wood flooring and bought enough to do our front room/dining room and back hall.

Hubby got the wonderful idea that with my upcoming surgery - it would be so much better for me to have the wood floor to maneuver on as opposed to the 25+ year old carpets. So who gets to do the work of it all? ME!

I've spent the last week tearing out old carpets, sweeping up and washing the old dust, dirt and grime and then installing the new laminate floors. My knees have taken a beating, my hands are stiff - and my ankle.....well my ankle is stiff, swollen and painful.

BUT - there is a beautiful new floor!

As hubby keeps telling me - I can slide my butt off the couch and to the bathroom and not have to worry about crutches! Yeah - right......

And now that this particular "job" is done - and we are less than a week to surgery - the reality has settled in....This is going to be fixed - my ankle is going to be cared for - I'm having surgery....

Yesterday at church was nice...but - the minister knows I'm having this surgery and during the prayers for others part of the service - this fact wasn't mentioned. And it's not like other people in church who are facing surgery haven't been prayed for (or mentioned directly by the minister) - its something that has been consistently done....but not for me. After service - a friend asked - so why didn't we pray for you? A could only shrug my shoulders...She said your family could have mentioned it - but then again, so could the minister - or so could another friend who KNEW the date of the surgery.

While I fed my companion parrots after church, I cried. My church, my church family - those I look to to support me in faith, fellowship and love - didn't pray for me. Half of them don't even know I will have the surgery - so I won't even have those prayers on the day of surgery. One of my older daughters will take me because my husband can't/won't travel that distance (because of panic/anxiety disorder - same as the one daughter suffers from). I love my children - but I don't want to lean on them for support - I'm their mom - I'm supposed to be THEIR strength and support. I will have no one to hold ME up on that day....except for maybe the strangers of those in the OR with me.....

As the days count down and surgery looms ever closer - I get more nervous. I truly do want this done - but I'm scared. Scared of anesthesia, scared of all the "could happens" - just scared in general - scared for the unknown....I have a couple of close friends to talk to - but they are not near by - and I don't want to burden them with my "silliness".

So I write a blog - to no one but me - because honestly, I don't know that anyone reads this besides me. Its cathartic and maybe makes me feel a little better - just for verbalizing it.....

And so - we are three days away from getting this done. I don't know what time, I don't know exactly what will be done....I am hoping against hope and prayer, that this will all go well, that it will fix the problem and I can walk/dance and live with a pain-free ankle.

From my fingers - to God's eyes and ears.....

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