surgery

A quick post for now...surgery is over. I am back in my cubicle in the same day surgery suite. I will get to go home tonight and then will write more.

The Countdown Continues

Surgery is tomorrow....one more day....

The last several days, the only thing on my mind has been this surgery. I am looking forward to having it done, and having my life back (eventually) without pain, locking and all those "good" things that have been a part of my life since I first wrenched this ankle.

But then, there have been those moments when I panic. I freak about trying to "keep it together" (after all - its going to be one of my children taking me and sitting with me through this - not my husband), about trying to make this a learning experience for my children...and mostly - about anesthesia.

Quite frankly - I don't like it. I mean - yes, it has its place and it is good - but personally - I guess I just don't like giving away ALL control. And it scares me - just the whole idea of a drug that can not just knock me out for an undetermined amount of time - but also keep me from feeling anything, or remembering things....just freaky in my book....

Today our minister emailed me about something else entirely. At the end of the email he wished me luck for tomorrow and said he would be praying for me. He then asked if he could send a prayer request to our congregation. I told him that I was sending my own prayer request email out to my circle of friends who believe and that more prayers could only help. Shortly after that I received a copy of the email he sent out - and within a half an hour, one friend from church emailed me with good luck wishes and that she would be praying for me.

I started to feed, water and clean our companion parrots and as I did so, I started talking to myself and to God....I've had all of two surgeries in my life. One - twenty years ago, repaired tendon damage in my wrist. The other, twelve years ago, removed an ovary - and because of some pre-testing - there was fear of ovarian cancer. I had local anesthesia for the wrist and general for the ovary. These were two very different surgeries with two different attitudes - but both with good outcomes. I realized that 20 years ago, I was looking forward to that surgery, much as I am looking forward to this one. I wasn't nervous - just anxious to get it fixed and get on with life. Twelve years ago, I was freaking out at the possibility of cancer and the general anesthesia was just the icing on the cake. As I spoke with God and myself - I realized - there is little difference between my wrist and my ankle surgeries and a world of difference between my ankle and my ovary.

And it was after that - after that prayer request went out and I had that talk with myself and with God - that there was a change in my attitude. I'm much calmer about the whole thing.

Now don't get me wrong - the idea of general anesthesia still freaks me out - but I'm calm.

I've done to food shopping so there is food when I come home and I don't have to depend on hubby or the kids to shop - just cook....wash is done, I even bought myself a new pillow to cushion my head, back or ankle as I recuperate on the couch...

I called the hospital. I have to be there at 10:15 and surgery is scheduled for 12:15....

So now , the countdown is hours - not days.

We'll leave the house in about 12 hours....be at the hospital in about 13 and surgery will begin in about 15 hours.

I have three hours to eat, drink and be merry...

Oh yes - and today I danced. On the new wood floor - I danced. I danced to Michael Buble', I danced to Billy Joel, to KD Lang, to Billy Porter, to Charlotte Martin and more. I was breathless at times...but always I was breath-taking.

And yes, my ankle hurts.

But I danced - for the joy of the dance - and for my love of the dance.

Today - I danced.

Tomorrow - I'll dream of dancing again......

The Countdown Begins....

Surgery is in two more days....

Today, the pre-admission office called to go through their "questionnaire" with me prior to surgery. Twenty minutes on the phone with a lovely woman who was so obviously tired of asking the same questions over and over and over.....

She started with checking my identity and going through exactly WHAT I was having done. She seemed a little confused until I told her the doc had to list EVERY possibility of what he might have to do - just in case he had to do it.

Then the million questions began....

Have I had surgery before? Do I take meds? Do I have................:::a whole laundry list of diseases and ailments:::: Am I allergic to anything? (What a laundry list I gave back to her!!!)

I did have fun with some of the questions - Will I have anyone at home to help out? (I have a husband and four children living home.....I think I can count on at least one or two to be available to help me out.....maybe) Do you have any mental illness? (I have a crazy husband, five insane kids and a zoo-full of whacked out companion critters - am I crazy?????)Is someone going to drive me home? (One of my daughters...) They have to be over 21....Are they over 21???? (Ahhhhhh - let me see....one is 22 and one is 27 - I think that's over 21......)When was your last period? (If you want to call it a period - last November.....)

Then I got my instructions for pre-surgery....Nothing to eat or drink after midnight...no contact lenses....no make-up....wear comfortable clothing....bring something to read...take your blood pressure with the tiniest sip of water in the AM (do I have to? If I take it on an empty stomach I get light headed) Yes take it - they want your blood pressure nice and low.....(Is passed out low enough???)don't bring anything valuable (well, there goes my ride - my kids are my most valuable "possessions")...

Before we finished - she looked at my tests and stuff and said - blood work, good, ekg, good - oops - we're missing one test....I said to her - whatever - and she announced that the morning on surgery they will do......

A PREGNANCY TEST!!!

I assured her that immaculate conception only happened once and even if it were to happen again - I wasn't that good that I would be the one.....She chuckled and said well, we'll still do one. I tried again - seriously - there is no way I'm pregnant. Her final word on it - well, after we do the test it will ease your mind......

::::Note - I have already had FIVE pregnancies - even if by some slim chance I was pregnant - since my last cycle was NOVEMBER - I would be almost FIVE months pregnant already - and the way I carry I would be the size of a small house - so - NO WAY.....plus, I'm working on Menopause already - and then at "my age"::::::

So...I don't find out exactly WHEN my surgery is until tomorrow between 3 and 5 PM....I have to call them and ask....

Tomorrow - hubby is going out fishing with his buddy...I will have no car since one working child will take mine to go to work (or I could get up at 4:30 AM to take her to work.....nope - don't think so......)

I think I'll dance.... as if the whole world is watching - and loving every second of it.....

Surgery is in two days.....

Of floors and pain and nerves

Its been a few days since I posted last - but I've been busy. A few months ago, we got an excellent price on laminate wood flooring and bought enough to do our front room/dining room and back hall.

Hubby got the wonderful idea that with my upcoming surgery - it would be so much better for me to have the wood floor to maneuver on as opposed to the 25+ year old carpets. So who gets to do the work of it all? ME!

I've spent the last week tearing out old carpets, sweeping up and washing the old dust, dirt and grime and then installing the new laminate floors. My knees have taken a beating, my hands are stiff - and my ankle.....well my ankle is stiff, swollen and painful.

BUT - there is a beautiful new floor!

As hubby keeps telling me - I can slide my butt off the couch and to the bathroom and not have to worry about crutches! Yeah - right......

And now that this particular "job" is done - and we are less than a week to surgery - the reality has settled in....This is going to be fixed - my ankle is going to be cared for - I'm having surgery....

Yesterday at church was nice...but - the minister knows I'm having this surgery and during the prayers for others part of the service - this fact wasn't mentioned. And it's not like other people in church who are facing surgery haven't been prayed for (or mentioned directly by the minister) - its something that has been consistently done....but not for me. After service - a friend asked - so why didn't we pray for you? A could only shrug my shoulders...She said your family could have mentioned it - but then again, so could the minister - or so could another friend who KNEW the date of the surgery.

While I fed my companion parrots after church, I cried. My church, my church family - those I look to to support me in faith, fellowship and love - didn't pray for me. Half of them don't even know I will have the surgery - so I won't even have those prayers on the day of surgery. One of my older daughters will take me because my husband can't/won't travel that distance (because of panic/anxiety disorder - same as the one daughter suffers from). I love my children - but I don't want to lean on them for support - I'm their mom - I'm supposed to be THEIR strength and support. I will have no one to hold ME up on that day....except for maybe the strangers of those in the OR with me.....

As the days count down and surgery looms ever closer - I get more nervous. I truly do want this done - but I'm scared. Scared of anesthesia, scared of all the "could happens" - just scared in general - scared for the unknown....I have a couple of close friends to talk to - but they are not near by - and I don't want to burden them with my "silliness".

So I write a blog - to no one but me - because honestly, I don't know that anyone reads this besides me. Its cathartic and maybe makes me feel a little better - just for verbalizing it.....

And so - we are three days away from getting this done. I don't know what time, I don't know exactly what will be done....I am hoping against hope and prayer, that this will all go well, that it will fix the problem and I can walk/dance and live with a pain-free ankle.

From my fingers - to God's eyes and ears.....

Doctor Visit

Well, I saw the orthopedic surgeon on Monday. He went over all the details of the surgery with me, explained everything, answered my questions and had me sign the papers agreeing to the surgery.

He is hoping to be able to take care of the lesion arthroscopically. Two little poke holes in the front of the ankle - grab the lesion - out and done. :::Photo from http://libweb.allencc.edu/CPT0072.html:::

Only problem is - he is not sure he will be able to actually see or get to the lesion because of its location using this method. He is hoping that with enough pressure on the ankle to extend it to it's fullest - he will be able to do it this way. (At least that's what I think he said)

But he did say he will make the decision quickly whether he can do the arthroscopy or not - so that there is little swelling to deal with should he need to do open surgery.

Now, if he has to do the open surgery, he will open my ankle on the inside of the ankle bone, break the bone (the tibia) in order to get to the lesion on the talus, clean out the mess on the talus, screw the bone (tibia) back together and then close it all up. :::Image from http://www.myfootshop.com/xq/ASP/Method.Condition/Value.Talar%20Dome%20Fracture/qx/searchresults.htm::: The only difference between what might have to be done for me and this image is that I will not have a graft.

I did ask about being awake for the surgery and while he doesn't really have an issue with it - it is something I need to discuss with the anesthesiologist. He did say though, that if he does have to do the open surgery - the spinal anesthesia may not last long enough and I may have to have general regardless. Not my favorite thing to hear or do. :-(

The simple surgery could be around an hour and a half, the more involved over 2.5 hours. While I SHOULD be coming home that same day - if the surgery is scheduled for later in the day and I'm awake for it - I may have to spend the night.

At this point there are too many variables to know for absolute sure what is happening or planned. Being able to "go with the flow" will be my best bet for the day.

Infection is one of the worst possible side effects - as is the potential of a blood clot. Since I do have a familial history of blood clots, he may put me on a blood thinner for a short time "just to be safe".

He also took time to re-examine the ankle and poke around it. He found some exquisitely sweet spots on it - despite the fact that daily pain has been minimal. (Except for walking on the beach on Sunday - something I love to do - but the sand and bare feet was not kind to the ankle.

So - surgery is on - approved by insurance. Extra visits to the surgeon have been approved. Meds will be approved by insurance if necessary and available at my local pharmacy. Handicapped parking decal already obtained....

I still have "crutch training" to do....that should be a load of fun....

So - slowly the house is getting ready...I've taken up the old carpet in our front room and installed a wood floor...dining room and hall are next - then I can freely slide my behind from couch to potty as necessary after my surgery.....

Not too bad....

The last few days have been busy...With surgery a reality in the near future, I'm trying to get things done here in the house....also had the potential of a court date to deal with....

The court date is no longer an issue.

Started installing a new wood floor in the living room. Except for the mess of taking up almost 25 years of old carpet - it's going OK. One third of the room is done. Hubby says this will make my life easier after surgery - I can just slid my butt from one room to another and not worry about bearing weight on the fixed ankle!

Today was funeral for someone from our church. Even in high heels and walking the uneven cemetery - ankle wasn't too bad.

Its days like these - where the pain is so minor it doesn't even feel like there is any - that makes me think perhaps I'm jumping the gun for surgery....

But then, the pain will come back and rear its nasty head and remind me of WHY I'm going to have the surgery....

But it's nice to have a few good days and feel like I've been productive. It really is nice.....

Back home in one piece....

Well, I am back home after a weekend trip. The trip was nice - a bit chillier than I would have preferred - and definitely WETTER - but fun.

The ankle survived the trip. It only caught a few times - but when it did - almost made me cry. Thankfully the students I was chaperoning didn't see.

What was nice, was that after the competition they attended on Saturday, we had free time at the hotel. The hotel had a pool and a hot tub.

Guess where I parked myself and my ankle?

The hot tub/whirlpool.

The water jets were actually too intense for me to rest my foot in front of them at all...but the warm water elsewhere in the tub was good. I would put my foot and ankle in the water for about 10 minutes, and then lift it out and stretch the muscles and more...immerse it....draw circles....immerse it and stretch some more. About two hours of that and my ankle felt almost human.

Too bad on Sunday it caught sharply and reminded me that there was a reason I was having surgery

Today I saw my primary care doc for my pre-surgery EKG, also went for blood draws. I think we are done with all the pre-admission testing for now. At least I hope.