So time to catch up again....

Surgery went well - as scheduled on July 17th. I was scheduled for 9 AM and that's when it was and I was home before 1 PM.

I was in a splint for two weeks. No weight bearing for eight weeks. Back to work at 10 days and did the county fair at two weeks. Whew!

This time around some big differences. First of all - IT HURT! Right in that bone on the left. The OCD this time around was 1.1cm - so about twice the size of last time - and apparently lots of debris since my doctor called it a "massive crud-ectomy". It still tends to hurt some, but I'm hoping that will go away. Plus, I have lots more swelling this time around - so much so that my big toe is "numb" and I can't bend my toes much. Feels like the ball of the foot is also swollen - which makes now starting to weight bear a bit more challenging.





After the last time I did this - I knew I had to do something to make my crutches work better for me. Doctor's office wanted me to do the knee-roller thing - but to me, that's a lazy way. I'd rather expend the energy I'm not spending because of the healing process on something that will actually "work" some of my body. So I played around and created this -

CRUTCH SLEEVES!

They are removable crutch covers designed to make the crutches comfortable, fun, fashionable and FUNCTIONAL. There are pockets to hold things. One hidden at the inside top for cell phone/keys and one outer pocket that is sized to hold a water bottle or other kind of drink, a tablet, book, mail, etc. People have actually been going pretty crazy over them since I've been using them. So much so that they are now Patent Pending. The interest has been so strong that I started a Kickstarter Campaign to raise the funds to complete the formal patent so we can start getting them out to people. 

Kickstarter link in the QR code

We're also on Facebook - www.facebook.com/CrutchSleeves and Twitter - www.twitter.com/CrutchSleeves.

I'm excited that this simple little idea has sparked such interest globally. We are trying to partner with the local Children's Hospital as well to get Mini-Sleeves to their patients on crutches - we think the kids will adore them!

So - that's what's up. I'm up to weight bearing (as of three days ago) and it's a slow go - but it's a go.

Adventures continue!!!!!

So - it's time to play the "catch-up" game again....

First issue that we were facing last time was the insurance issue. I put in my request for changes on time and never heard from our agent here at work. I emailed him repeatedly, only to be told that due to AHA (Affordable Healthcare Act) - the insurance companies were running w-a-y behind on making changes, so I should just be patient and eventually it would come through.

Flash forward about four months - I FINALLY get an answer on the insurance. The change never went through - "someone" dropped the ball - who, we can't be sure because everyone is pointing the finger at everyone but themselves. God  bless my boss, who opted to help me out. The good news is - I have insurance. How much this surgery will cost me could be potentially good or bad news...

So - now into June - and I go back to visit the new doc. I explained my delay in scheduling the procedure and he's ok and says we can work on payments.

God bless him!

He sends me for a new MRI - just to make sure the damage is no worse. The good news - not any worse. Thank God for small miracles...

Surgery is now officially scheduled - July 17 - a Thursday morning, at the practice's stand alone facility. I'll be out of work for at least a week, if not two. Then comes our county-fair, where I am a Division Chair for Home Arts - meaning I practically live there for the week. Should be fun on crutches, two weeks post surgery...

Whatever possessed me to choose to be on crutches during the hottest time of year here - I'll not quite figure out - but we're doing it.

Hopefully - this will fix things once and for all.....because I really need to dance.....

So here we are again - with time escaping us....let me catch up from where I left off before....

Went back to see this new orthopedist and review the MRI. The OCD is now 1.1 x 0.9 - much larger than the original (barely 0.6 square). But, he was able to show me floating bodies within the joint and felt that the next step should be a "redo" of the microfracture and debridement - and that if that fails - we still have the option of the larger cadaver replacement surgery. :::oh fun:::

His description for this surgery (at his hand) is fairly similar to the last time. He feels he can go into the previous holes so there will be no new scarring. I will come out of surgery with some sort of a cast on the ankle which will stay there for two weeks - at which time I would see him, remove that and any stitches. I would be completely no weight bearing for 8 weeks - and then I would put a shoe on that foot and start to put weight on it until I could walk normally. They felt I could do all this on my own without any PT. I got the gal's number to call and schedule and was asked if I had crutches and also suggest to get a knee roller. (I much prefer the crutches - more of a work-out, and for an active person - eight weeks of no weight means minimal ability to "work out" so crutches would be my chance to stay a bit fit.)

So - I look at the calendar and try to plan this. First monkey wrench in the mix - I'm running for state assembly at this point in time, and while it is still summer, I'm looking at the busiest time for a campaign. To decide - do I campaign on crutches - or do I wait. I decide to wait. Next monkey wrench in the mix - the cost. Last time I was on Medicaid and the surgery and PT cost me maybe $100 in co-pays. Now that I've been working, I have insurance from my company - but now my cost is much more. $2500 deductible  and then a rediculous co-pay. Not only does my employer pay almost $10,000 a year for my insurance coverage, but I chip in an almost addition $2000 for premiums - and then to have this kind of co-payment? I worked it out, and the surgery would cost me (out of pocket) between $7-$10,000!!!! While the doctor's office was willing to work out a payment plan after insurance paid - they couldn't tell me how much I might have to agree to....

So - the next thing was to look at changing insurance when the plan year was up. The offerings were slim - with huge deductibles and co-pays - as well as additional premiums. I finally settled on a plan where my out of pocket would be about $4000 (still a lot, but much better than $7-10,000) and sent in the change forms.

And that's where I sit. Our renewal date at work was 12/15 - our agent knew I was making a change and got the paperwork in time. But I have no new cards, and no verification that I actually have this new coverage. 

And so I wait. With an ankle that is so painful, it brings me to tears. But I can't make plans without knowing 1) that I indeed HAVE insurance and 2) without knowing how much this will cost me.

So let the waiting game begin....

Adventure Update - and potential Additional Chapters....

Life does tend to catch up with us - and get away from us - and so it has with this. I had every intention of continuing this blog and whoops - here I am not quite two years later and have not mentioned a thing. So - to catch up..... After that MRI that I had in 2011 - the doctor felt there were no real changes in my ankle. The OCD was still there and not much had changed. He recommended a shot of cortisone - which I agreed to. He advised I might want to have crutches available for three-five days in case the ankle was painful or unstable - which I took him up on. The day after the shot, I attended a university football game to watch my daughter with the band. That day a freak October snow-storm (more like a blizzard) started just as the band was welcoming the football team to the stadium. That snow continued through the game and into the evening. Trying to crutch through the snow was a real adventure. The stadium offers trolley service for those that need it. After half-time, I went to find the trolley to take me back to the bus (to parking) only to be told because of the weather, they shut down trolley service! Finally, they put me in a wheel-chair and tried to push me through the six inches of snow/slush and ice. As you might imagine, it didn't work. So I put on my big-girl panties and crutched my way to the bus - and once at the parking facility - to my car. Actually, crutching in that mess wasn't that bad. I could securely plant my crutches into the snow/slush/ice and they would hold solid while I "stepped" to the next safe spot. Crutches are also quite useful in clearing snow/slush/ice off of car windshields! So after the cortisone shot, the ankle was no better, but my surgeon was stumped. He felt perhaps we could try a lubricating injection or plasma-rich injection. However, my insurance felt those were all "experimental" and wouldn't approve them. So - I just coped. For the next 18 months - coping was all I did with the ankle. Sometimes it seemed "perfect" - no catching, no locking, no pain. Then there were the days/weeks when that's all it had - catching/locking/PAIN. A couple of ER visits when it went out on me very badly and swelled up - but all they could do was check to make sure I didn't break it and put me in an aircast and crutches. Finally, several weeks ago, while stretching the ankle suddenly and very loudly went POP!!! Pain and swelling accompanied it. I thought of going to the ER - but passed on that decision - knowing they would only re-x-ray and pronounce nothing broken/nothing to be done but rest it. But what I did do, was contact a new orthopedist - one highly recommended by my primary - who was in my new insurance. Got an immediate appointment with him. He looked at my old scans and told his PA in the hall - "That thing is HUGE! Huge I tell you!" and then told me - "its a very big OCD". Also at problem was where it is on my talus - on the corner. So much so, that he would not do any surgery on it himself as he felt an OATS or other surgery would be pointless since it would easily fail (by breaking off the corner again). His recommendation was a referral to a specialist who had developed a technique of using a cadaver talus to fill the OCD. But first a new MRI. While waiting for my MRI appointment, I checked online about this new surgery potential. Very big surgery. Full ankle exposure - almost double the recovery time. Enough to make me pause on this... The MRI went without issue - except my ankle felt worse after it was over. When I called the office to check with my doctor about it - he called back with the MRI results. Seeing the new MRI - he was now comfortable in recommending another shot at microfracture and debridement (what I had in 2010) rather than the cadaver surgery. I see him on Monday to actually review the films with him and to talk about/schedule surgery. Seems like we are back on this merry-go-round for another ride. Oh the joy of it!

Back on the Merry-Go-Round

So. I am now 17+ months post surgery. Been able to lead a fairly normal life (at least normal for me) over this time - and so have not had the urge to write.

Perhaps before I go any further - I should recap.

*Surgery - debridement and microfracture - was in late April 2010.
*I began PT in May 2010 and continued into October when there was an issue with my insurance coverage.
*During longer walking trips, the ankle started catching and even locking.
*By March 2011, all my insurance issues were resolved.
*In April, I chaperoned the HS band trip to Disney World. While the trip itself was a joy - my ankle was not joyous.
*Once back from Florida, I called my primary care physician. After examining my ankle thoroughly, he put me back in an air cast temporarily, and on a regimen of Naproxen. Eight days into the Naproxen therapy I had to stop because it affected my blood pressure.
*On follow-up with my primary - he now thought perhaps I was suffering from tendinitis and sent me back to PT - with a follow-up half-way through the process.
*PT was uneventful. Yet the pain the my ankle continued and issues with catching and locking increased.
*Again, on follow-up with my primary - he now felt we "went at" the ankle from every angle - and there were still problem - so he decided to send me back to the surgeon.

This brings us pretty current.

Yesterday I saw my surgeon. First - a set of new x-rays, and then into an exam room so he could see me. His first words to me - "You're back?" and then after we chat about the ankle he says - "Don't tell me you tore MORE cartilage?"

He checked the x-rays and they are inconclusive. Based on my symptom-ology though, it seems I have most likely got "something" floating around in the joint. When it's floating "free" - things are good - when it gets stuck - the joint locks and I'm in pain. He also showed some concern in the area where he removed a large amount of inflammatory tissue.

So - it's off for a new MRI to better see what's up in my ankle.

And then we go from there...

:::::Why do I think its going to be another surgery and more months on crutches?::::::

Do I want to ride this merry-go-round yet again?

May have no choice.

Twenty-One Weeks Post-Op

Time has flown by - and as I become more "normal" - it seems like I have forgotten to update here....

Physical Therapy continues - three days per week - even now. My therapy consists of 15 minutes of electrical stimulation with heat; deep massage of the ankle - specifically the incision sites; resistance band work; 5 pound weight sequence; Pro-Stretch; the half-ball; rocker board; treadmill; and elliptical machine.

I was officially down to one crutch by mid-August and by the end of August had "graduated" to a cane. I now walk more like "Igor" than a drunken chimpanzee.


Now, at almost the end of September, I use the cane when I am out, but around the house, manage to do without.

There is still considerable pain in and around the ankle. The last visit to the surgeon, he again talks that nothing was guaranteed (which I knew) and perhaps we may have to do Cortisone shots to the ankle, or lubrication injections to see if that helps.

While my therapist is happy with the range of motion, he says I need to build more strength. I feel both are lacking. I tried to teach a simple jazz run last week and wasn't able to even demonstrate it.

I am at a point of mixed feelings. Some days I am glad to have had the surgery and "fixed" the problem. But there are more days than not, that I question why I bothered - before the surgery, even though I had pain, I could do things that I still can't do - almost 5 months since the surgery.

I think right now, I would be very happy to be able to move gracefully again.....

Three Weeks Post-Op

Thursday was three weeks since my surgery. I am still 100% non-weight-bearing. Thankfully, I have not needed pain meds much this past week.

I've had the ankle unwrapped pretty much since my doctor visit last week. Trouble is, with the ankle/foot unwrapped, I can always see its condition (probably my doc's way to make sure I don't try doing anything on or with the ankle). As soon as I stand, the blood apparently rushes to the foot and my toes and foot turn a "lovely" shade of purple and swell up. :-(

I've driven a couple times - but now my car needs a new muffler (and we don't have the money to do that right now) and its very difficult for me to drive my husband's car with this ankle - so I'm totally stuck.

I'm bored to tears.

I'm tired of being invisible to pretty much everyone.

I can't stand having to depend on others for even the simplest things (a glass of water for example....) and to be stuck when they forget that I'm waiting for them to help me......

Its only been three weeks, and I have a bit over three MONTHS left to fully recuperate....I think I will go totally insane before that.....

Two Weeks Post-Op

Yesterday was two weeks since surgery. There is progress.

Monday was quiet and I just sat with the leg elevated. I had it unwrapped and could handle it totally free for just a bit of time.

Tuesday, I ventured out for a hair appointment at the place where I am their guinea pig in exchange for color. My husband drove me - he didn't want me to drive He dropped me off at the facility and I clomped in with my crutches. Once in the salon area, my sling bag slipped off my shoulder and fell down right over my crutch. Made note to self - don't put just one string on my shoulder when I clomp with crutches. After that - nothing exceptional happened.

Tuesday evening, my youngest had her choral concert at school. I insisted on driving. Had to use my husband's truck - not a good choice - there is little leg room in it and I truly had no place to put my right leg and ankle. But I managed, and got to the school and saw and heard her sing. So who cares if I was uncomfortable? We then stopped at the local grocery store afterward and I treated her to a Rita's after that.

Wednesday day was quiet, but I had a meeting that night. Again, the family didn't want me to drive, so my middle daughter drove me there. Despite having my ankle up, it was uncomfortable and I couldn't wait to leave the meeting.

Thursday day - again quiet - lots of time for my ankle to be raised. But in the evening I had yet another meeting. I drove myself again - but this time in my car. This was a good trip and a good meeting. My only issue was that my string bag was too heavy with the things I had to turn in to people at that meeting. All-in-all - it was good - unless you want to consider my youngest re-breaking her finger at practice. So - when the meeting was over, I grabbed my my stuff and we left to go to the ER. The ER was packed and we didn't get home until after midnight. Talk about pain,swelling and exhaustion.

Today, I had my two week follow-up visit with my surgeon. He is please with my progress and I go back in two more weeks. I'm still no weight bearing, but I don't have to keep it wrapped. Everything I've been feeling is normal - which I thought but just wanted to ask and make sure. My stitches came out - I can take a real bath!!!! I'm still full no weight bearing for another two weeks until I see him again. But, I did get a script to start PT. He did say that the damage in my ankle was much worse than he thought and the lesion was HUGE! He also gave me no guarantees that this would solve all the issues in my ankle, or if it did, how long it might last...

I'm bruised. I'm swollen.

But I'm healing!!!

Another day - another sit...

You would think by my lack of daily posting, that I would be very busy - thus the reason behind the break in posting. Truth be told - I'm not busy....just getting lazy. :-(

Last Thursday - a week after surgery, I did attempt to wash my hair. It was actually quite comical. I took our handheld shower head and hung it down where I could reach it. I sat on the edge of the tub and slowly slipped myself into the tub - having both legs hanging outside over the edge. I then pulled the shower curtain past my legs and took the overflow and rested it into my lap and then proceeded to wash my hair! Not particularly comfortable or good to look at - but it got my hair clean - which was the goal!

Then I had a meeting at church that evening. Since I'm still on pain meds, I'm not allowed to drive so my husband had to take me and bring me home. The meeting itself was OK. I had to hop down one small set of steps and then up another small set of steps before I could get to the stair rider that goes to the second floor. That was fun. Not. Leaving I had to do the same - take the stair rider, hop down a small set and then back up a second small set before I could go outside and get back in the car. My reward for this - a very swollen foot/ankle - and a Rita's wild black cherry italian ice.

Friday there was an errand to run and so my hubby again drove me. This took less time and my ankle responded by not swelling as much.

But Friday was a week and a day post surgery and so it was "reveal day" the day I could take off the ace wrap and dressings and air out my ankle.

The ace wrap came off easily. The cotton batting wrap also came off easily. However the gauze dressings were another story. Apparently the poke holes had some post surgical bleeding and so the gauze was seriously stuck to both my skin and the sutures. I had to call the doc's office to see how they wanted me to proceed. The doc's assistant called me right back and told me if I was there how they would do it, but explained that I could take water soaked cotton balls and dab at the gauze until it got wet enough to release from the skin/sutures. Before I did anything else though, I had to let everything dry thoroughly - put nothing on it (as in ointment or cream) and then I could put 4x4's or band-aids on the sutures and re-wrap or whatever.

So I got the kids to bring me a bowl of lukewarm water and some cotton balls and a towel, and began dabbing at my dressings to try and loosen them and get them off my ankle. This was a time-consuming job, but one I was happy to do. After a while, I got the last bit of gauze off and my ankle was mostly free. (I left the steri-strips on the incisions/sutures.)

The ankle and lower leg are starting to whither from lack of use. That's the first thing I noticed. The next thing I noticed was that Doc was able to do the surgery with only TWO poke holes - not the three I thought he had created. There is one on each side of the front of my ankle. There were guide lines drawn in case he needed to do the open surgery - but the cute message on my foot was gone. Bruising seemed to be minimal - but the longer the ankle was free - the more the bruising seemed to come to the surface. The greatest bruising was where the lesion was. The arch of my foot and my heel still felt a bit numb - but I guess that is all part of it.

A while after the unveiling - I had to go to the bathroom and so crutched my way there. As I sat on the throne I lifted my ankle to the tub side and looked and was shocked. I had to left my good leg next to it and was even more shocked. My surgeried ankle was purple and mottling more and more right before my eyes. When I finished, I clomped my way back to my nest on the couch and got my ankle/leg raised and asked for an ice pack. With the ankle raised, the purple started to go away and the color returned to close to normal. But now the throbbing began. Within an hour, I had to take a pain pill because not just was my ankle throbbing, but I was getting a head-ache and starting to get nauseous. It took a few hours for all of this to calm down - but before it fully did - I decided to re-wrap my ankle. Once I re-wrapped it - all those symptoms started to recede. I was able to have a bit of soup and then started feeling more human.

What I think happened was that even though I didn't feel sharp or intense pain, since my level of pain tolerance is so high, this must have been some really intense pain to make me nauseous. Once wrapped and supported - the pain level started to be more manageable and my feelings of being sick started to go away.

Saturday I still had some strong pain in the ankle and continued to take some pain meds but as the day wore on (and I had things to do to try and prepare for my husband's birthday with our children) it all seemed to get better.

Today is Sunday - Mother's Day. I didn't go to church because I didn't feel that I should have my ankle un-elevated for so many hours. Once the others left, I went and washed my hair again today. That felt good. Then I got a little dressed up because its Mother's Day. But we have 50-60 MPH winds here and it's cold - so I'm sitting with a sweater on and wrapped on a blanket - can't tell I'm dressed up. My children are planning dinner for me - so that will be nice.

All in all - things are going well - I think. I'm back to the doc on Friday to get the sutures out. Then we'll see what he says.

Day-by-day - that's the only way I can take it.....

Making Strides

Well, tomorrow will be one week since my surgery. I've been home from the hospital for almost six full days....

The last few days here where we live, have been beautiful, summery days - and we are just at the beginning of May. Sitting on the couch with either the TV on or watching a video either on the TV or on my laptop has lost is sparkle...I am BORED!!!!!

Since sitting in the hospital the day of my surgery, I've become addicted to the Maury Povich Show - especially the "baby/daddy" shows. Not for the stories per se - but the entertainment of it all...some of these people are just downright hilarious!!!!!

So, this morning after my daughter and I got our "Maury fix" - I decided to venture outside. In less than a week - how much has changed in our gardens. My grandmother's rose bush (a peace rose) is exploding with blooms of all sizes. Her pink rose bush just under the peace rose - is starting to blossom as well, our iris patch which was only buds last week is a fragrant blaze of color and smells. The white lilac which was beautiful and fragrant last week - is done and brown - yet the french lilac in the front yard is now a beautiful fragrant and blooming bush.

The walk around the yard was wonderful. If felt great to get outside - feel the breeze, the sun, smell all the smells.....It was great....but when I got inside and sat back down on my couch - my ankle complained long and loud about the new adventure - and it didn't do anything but hang around for the "ride".....

Later in the day, I ventured out again - to visit with a friend and give her some things for the school. It was nice to have company and nice to chat with a friend. Was also nice to again be outside. But as before, my ankle complained about the trip. :-(

After supper, my youngest wanted to show me her flag work for the memorial day parade (she is captain of the color guard at her school) and so once more - I went outside for a brief stint....The ankle complained yet again, but not as bad because I had taken a pain pill when I had come in from the second trip out...

I had one more adventure today...and that was taking a real BATH. My ankle is still wrapped in the ace bandage and more and the sutures are still in, so I can't really take a full bath. Since my surgery, I've been sponging myself off - but that's as far as its gone. Today, I had had it and decided I needed to just get into the tub...

Adventure to be sure...

I wound up sitting on the side of the tub and then sliding my behind down into the tub, and then swinging my good leg into the water. Because my right leg is the one that had surgery, I have to sit at the drain side of the tub - so no real chance to soak, but my right leg could hang over the tub edge and the rest of me could soak. And that's precisely what I did.....

I was afraid getting out would be a real challenge - but it wasn't that bad - I swung my good leg over the edge, dried that leg and both thighs, as well as my hands - then I hefted my behind up and onto the edge of the tub - dried myself and was done! (Of course, I prayed the whole time I wouldn't slip backwards into the tub and hurt myself or the tub in the process....)

But it worked!

Tomorrow - challenge number two - washing my hair.....

The Tale of Surgery - Part 2

I blinked my eyes….

A nurse was touching my toes and asking if I could feel it and then she asked me to wiggle my toes.

I was in RECOVERY!!!

My throat was sore – I asked for ice chips. Instead I was given pain meds into my IV port.

Suddenly I was in an old-time movie – not just was everything flickering, but it also seemed to be rolling/flipping as well…..what a trip…..

I was told to snooze – but I wanted to wake up and get rid of this weird feeling…..

After a bit of time, my doctor came over smiling. He was happy; he was able to do EVERYHTING arthroscopically! He did not have to open the ankle up. This news made me happy as well. He did tell me though that there was much more damage in the joint than he originally had thought. There was a lot of inflammatory tissue which he removed. The OCD lesion itself was much larger than originally indicated. There was a huge “hunk” of cartilage barely hanging on by a thread that I think he said he took out as well. He did microfracture (scraped things up to make the bone bleed in order to generate some “new” cartilage growth). He conceded that I had good reason to be in pain given what was actually IN the ankle joint. He said he had taken lots of pictures during the surgery and that he had given a copy to my daughter and when I came to the office he would explain them all. I asked when that would be and he said in two weeks. I was given the go ahead to put very little pressure on the toes if I wanted. I told him I didn’t think I wanted – and he said pain? I nodded and he said OK….

Slowly, the nurse got me sitting a bit more upright and gave me ice chips. I still had my IV, as well as a blood pressure cuff on my arm. I also had a pressure cuff on my (good) leg to stimulate blood flow. My surgeried ankle was wrapped in a big ac bandage and I had several ice packs on it as it was elevated on a pillow or two. Doc came and spoke with me once more and checked on me. The nurse asked if I had crutches at home – because if I didn’t, I was going to have to spend the night since the crutch people were gone for the day. I told her I did have crutches at home, so it would just be a matter of getting me from the bed to the car. She said wheelchair would work.

And then I got to go back to the same day suite!

Soon my daughter came to sit with me – but it was a different daughter than the one I left when I went to surgery. (The older one started getting a migraine after I went in to surgery and so called her sister to come and take her place so she could come home and do what she needed to do to relieve the migraine.) The nurse brought me juice and graham crackers.

My mouth was too dry and my throat too sore to enjoy the crackers, but I enjoyed the juice. They brought me more and I enjoyed that as well.

I was asked if I wanted to go home and my answer was a resounding YES!!!!! But I wanted to hit the potty before my hour ride home. They found a wheel chair for me and he aide rolled me to the lav and told me when I was done to pull the call button. I stood on my good leg and wiggled to turn around and sat to go.

And I sat.

And I waited.

And nothing happened.

I felt absolutely full (and must have been with an entire bag of ringers’ lactate, two glasses of ice chips and six containers of juice) but nothing happened.

I closed my eyes and pictured WATER, I sang a song of water to myself and since I couldn’t reach the sink to run water, I swished what little saliva I had in my mouth – all just trying to get my body to cooperate and “go”.

FINALLY, after what seemed like an eternity of sitting on the throne – I was able to trickle a teeny-tiny bit out. Didn’t mater – I had peed – I could go home!!!!!

I finished up, pulled the call button and got taken back to my cubicle. The nurse gave me my scripts for meds and called for a wheelchair and sent my daughter to get the car while I got dressed.

Thank God I’m a dancer, because standing on one leg to get dressed was not an issue for me. A little tricky – but not an issue. Plus it helped that my daughter stayed just to make sure I was OK.

A short wheelchair ride down to the entrance and our hospital adventure was over as we drove home.

A brief new adventure followed as we tried to find our way out of Trenton. Not an easy task as I just prayed we got out of town before dark (and we did).

My sore throat gave way to full fledged laryngitis as I tried to call my husband and let him know we were on our way home.

The ride home was uneventful. My daughter stopped for me at Panera and bought me a container of broccoli/cheddar soup. I didn’t think I could eat much else with my throat. We got home and I parked my behind on the couch and have barely moved since

The Tale of Surgery - Part 1

My surgery was on Thursday – April 29. I had to be at the hospital for 10:15 AM with surgery scheduled for 12:15 PM. The hospital is less than an hour from home, so my daughter and I left at 9:15 – figuring it was past rush-hour by then so we would have plenty of time.
Little did we know there was construction on the highway less than 10 miles from home. Within 10 minutes we hit the traffic and sat still – only inching along for almost a half-hour. I telephoned the hospital to let them know I had not “chickened out” but was stuck in traffic. Their response was just take my time – no worries.

We eventually arrived at the hospital about a half hour later than anticipated. Kind staff members directed up to the Ambulatory Care Pavilion and my adventure for the day began…

Once up in ACP, I was taken in the back to go over insurance and other information and given my bracelet. I went back to the waiting area, only soon to be called in by a nurse to go in the back. My daughter was to wait until I was situated.

Once in the same day suite, my blood pressure, pulse and temperature was taken. I had the opportunity to give them a urine sample (from which they were going to do a pregnancy test! LOLOL). Then I got to undress and put on the lovely hospital Dior gown. My daughter then joined me and we hunkered down to wait.

The nurse assured me that my tardiness was not a problem and that my doctor wasn’t yet there – and he had another procedure prior to mine – so I was probably going to be late going to surgery.

Fun.

I was asked which ankle – and I told them the right one and I was told – I would be asked at least five more times before surgery. Just to be sure….

So – “just to be sure” I took my eyeliner and wrote on my insteps…..

The left one read - “This is the one to be LEFT alone”
The right one read – “This is the one to be made “RIGHT”

My doctor came in to chat with me. While he was still hoping to be able to do the surgery arthroscopically – he couldn’t promise that he would indeed be able to do so. But he did mention that he was going to see if a third “poke hole” would give him a better view point of the ankle so that he could do the procedure arthroscopically. I told him – whatever he had to do to make it right was fine with me. He then asked (with a smile on his face) “Which ankle?” I told him he right and then pulled the blanket off my foot and said – and I even marked it in case you forget….He looked at my feet and read them with a smile. Then he looked at me and said – let’s make it definite that everyone knows which ankle – and then he whipped out a permanent marker and wrote on my shin “PC – YES” with a big arrow pointing to my ankle. We all chuckled over that!

Shortly after, the anesthesiologist and the nurse anesthetist came in to see me. This man was very special. Not only was he gentle, kind and pleasant – but he spent a great deal of time with me patiently answering my questions and honestly giving me information so that I could make an informed decision regarding my anesthesia choice. While he was supportive of my desire to stay awake for the procedure, he patiently pointed out to me that the spinal anesthesia had a limited time span and that if the surgery took longer than that time frame – I would need to have a general anesthetic anyway.

My doc came back while we were discussing it and the discussion became three-way. Doc also had no problem with my having the spinal – but he could not guarantee the length of time the surgery would take. The Anesthesiologist told me outright that I was an excellent candidate for general anesthesia because of my current health and my health history. His only concern was my less than perfect teeth and the outside possibility that at some point I might clamp down on the breathing tube and break or dislodge one or more teeth. If that was a risk I was willing to take – then he was supportive of whatever my choice was.

Given all the information – and the fact that we honestly did not know how long the surgery itself would take – I opted to forgo the “middle man” and have the general anesthesia from the getgo. I signed the release forms and thought that was it. Shortly after, the anesthesiologist returned and showed me that in the comment section he had added that we discussed the possibility of damage to my teeth and that I understood that as well. We joked a little and then he left.

My daughter and I sat and talked for a while – and then before I knew it – the anesthesiologist was back to take me to surgery!!!

The stress of finally going to surgery and facing my fear of general anesthesia got the best of me and I got weepy. The Anesthesiologist saw and gently asked if I was OK. I told him just stressed and a bit nervous. He told me it would all be fine and that once we got in the OR he would give me a little something to calm me down. I thanked him. As we got to the ER the nurse anesthetist opened the door with a flourish and a big smile and greeted me happily. She then started introducing me to everyone in the room and I had to apologize that I wouldn’t remember their names. She told me it was OK – there wouldn’t be a quiz. 

She asked a couple of questions, situated me on the table, strapped me in and got my left arm ready to strap down. The anesthesiologist (I think) added something to my IV and then I was told to breathe the oxygen.

surgery

A quick post for now...surgery is over. I am back in my cubicle in the same day surgery suite. I will get to go home tonight and then will write more.

The Countdown Continues

Surgery is tomorrow....one more day....

The last several days, the only thing on my mind has been this surgery. I am looking forward to having it done, and having my life back (eventually) without pain, locking and all those "good" things that have been a part of my life since I first wrenched this ankle.

But then, there have been those moments when I panic. I freak about trying to "keep it together" (after all - its going to be one of my children taking me and sitting with me through this - not my husband), about trying to make this a learning experience for my children...and mostly - about anesthesia.

Quite frankly - I don't like it. I mean - yes, it has its place and it is good - but personally - I guess I just don't like giving away ALL control. And it scares me - just the whole idea of a drug that can not just knock me out for an undetermined amount of time - but also keep me from feeling anything, or remembering things....just freaky in my book....

Today our minister emailed me about something else entirely. At the end of the email he wished me luck for tomorrow and said he would be praying for me. He then asked if he could send a prayer request to our congregation. I told him that I was sending my own prayer request email out to my circle of friends who believe and that more prayers could only help. Shortly after that I received a copy of the email he sent out - and within a half an hour, one friend from church emailed me with good luck wishes and that she would be praying for me.

I started to feed, water and clean our companion parrots and as I did so, I started talking to myself and to God....I've had all of two surgeries in my life. One - twenty years ago, repaired tendon damage in my wrist. The other, twelve years ago, removed an ovary - and because of some pre-testing - there was fear of ovarian cancer. I had local anesthesia for the wrist and general for the ovary. These were two very different surgeries with two different attitudes - but both with good outcomes. I realized that 20 years ago, I was looking forward to that surgery, much as I am looking forward to this one. I wasn't nervous - just anxious to get it fixed and get on with life. Twelve years ago, I was freaking out at the possibility of cancer and the general anesthesia was just the icing on the cake. As I spoke with God and myself - I realized - there is little difference between my wrist and my ankle surgeries and a world of difference between my ankle and my ovary.

And it was after that - after that prayer request went out and I had that talk with myself and with God - that there was a change in my attitude. I'm much calmer about the whole thing.

Now don't get me wrong - the idea of general anesthesia still freaks me out - but I'm calm.

I've done to food shopping so there is food when I come home and I don't have to depend on hubby or the kids to shop - just cook....wash is done, I even bought myself a new pillow to cushion my head, back or ankle as I recuperate on the couch...

I called the hospital. I have to be there at 10:15 and surgery is scheduled for 12:15....

So now , the countdown is hours - not days.

We'll leave the house in about 12 hours....be at the hospital in about 13 and surgery will begin in about 15 hours.

I have three hours to eat, drink and be merry...

Oh yes - and today I danced. On the new wood floor - I danced. I danced to Michael Buble', I danced to Billy Joel, to KD Lang, to Billy Porter, to Charlotte Martin and more. I was breathless at times...but always I was breath-taking.

And yes, my ankle hurts.

But I danced - for the joy of the dance - and for my love of the dance.

Today - I danced.

Tomorrow - I'll dream of dancing again......

The Countdown Begins....

Surgery is in two more days....

Today, the pre-admission office called to go through their "questionnaire" with me prior to surgery. Twenty minutes on the phone with a lovely woman who was so obviously tired of asking the same questions over and over and over.....

She started with checking my identity and going through exactly WHAT I was having done. She seemed a little confused until I told her the doc had to list EVERY possibility of what he might have to do - just in case he had to do it.

Then the million questions began....

Have I had surgery before? Do I take meds? Do I have................:::a whole laundry list of diseases and ailments:::: Am I allergic to anything? (What a laundry list I gave back to her!!!)

I did have fun with some of the questions - Will I have anyone at home to help out? (I have a husband and four children living home.....I think I can count on at least one or two to be available to help me out.....maybe) Do you have any mental illness? (I have a crazy husband, five insane kids and a zoo-full of whacked out companion critters - am I crazy?????)Is someone going to drive me home? (One of my daughters...) They have to be over 21....Are they over 21???? (Ahhhhhh - let me see....one is 22 and one is 27 - I think that's over 21......)When was your last period? (If you want to call it a period - last November.....)

Then I got my instructions for pre-surgery....Nothing to eat or drink after midnight...no contact lenses....no make-up....wear comfortable clothing....bring something to read...take your blood pressure with the tiniest sip of water in the AM (do I have to? If I take it on an empty stomach I get light headed) Yes take it - they want your blood pressure nice and low.....(Is passed out low enough???)don't bring anything valuable (well, there goes my ride - my kids are my most valuable "possessions")...

Before we finished - she looked at my tests and stuff and said - blood work, good, ekg, good - oops - we're missing one test....I said to her - whatever - and she announced that the morning on surgery they will do......

A PREGNANCY TEST!!!

I assured her that immaculate conception only happened once and even if it were to happen again - I wasn't that good that I would be the one.....She chuckled and said well, we'll still do one. I tried again - seriously - there is no way I'm pregnant. Her final word on it - well, after we do the test it will ease your mind......

::::Note - I have already had FIVE pregnancies - even if by some slim chance I was pregnant - since my last cycle was NOVEMBER - I would be almost FIVE months pregnant already - and the way I carry I would be the size of a small house - so - NO WAY.....plus, I'm working on Menopause already - and then at "my age"::::::

So...I don't find out exactly WHEN my surgery is until tomorrow between 3 and 5 PM....I have to call them and ask....

Tomorrow - hubby is going out fishing with his buddy...I will have no car since one working child will take mine to go to work (or I could get up at 4:30 AM to take her to work.....nope - don't think so......)

I think I'll dance.... as if the whole world is watching - and loving every second of it.....

Surgery is in two days.....

Of floors and pain and nerves

Its been a few days since I posted last - but I've been busy. A few months ago, we got an excellent price on laminate wood flooring and bought enough to do our front room/dining room and back hall.

Hubby got the wonderful idea that with my upcoming surgery - it would be so much better for me to have the wood floor to maneuver on as opposed to the 25+ year old carpets. So who gets to do the work of it all? ME!

I've spent the last week tearing out old carpets, sweeping up and washing the old dust, dirt and grime and then installing the new laminate floors. My knees have taken a beating, my hands are stiff - and my ankle.....well my ankle is stiff, swollen and painful.

BUT - there is a beautiful new floor!

As hubby keeps telling me - I can slide my butt off the couch and to the bathroom and not have to worry about crutches! Yeah - right......

And now that this particular "job" is done - and we are less than a week to surgery - the reality has settled in....This is going to be fixed - my ankle is going to be cared for - I'm having surgery....

Yesterday at church was nice...but - the minister knows I'm having this surgery and during the prayers for others part of the service - this fact wasn't mentioned. And it's not like other people in church who are facing surgery haven't been prayed for (or mentioned directly by the minister) - its something that has been consistently done....but not for me. After service - a friend asked - so why didn't we pray for you? A could only shrug my shoulders...She said your family could have mentioned it - but then again, so could the minister - or so could another friend who KNEW the date of the surgery.

While I fed my companion parrots after church, I cried. My church, my church family - those I look to to support me in faith, fellowship and love - didn't pray for me. Half of them don't even know I will have the surgery - so I won't even have those prayers on the day of surgery. One of my older daughters will take me because my husband can't/won't travel that distance (because of panic/anxiety disorder - same as the one daughter suffers from). I love my children - but I don't want to lean on them for support - I'm their mom - I'm supposed to be THEIR strength and support. I will have no one to hold ME up on that day....except for maybe the strangers of those in the OR with me.....

As the days count down and surgery looms ever closer - I get more nervous. I truly do want this done - but I'm scared. Scared of anesthesia, scared of all the "could happens" - just scared in general - scared for the unknown....I have a couple of close friends to talk to - but they are not near by - and I don't want to burden them with my "silliness".

So I write a blog - to no one but me - because honestly, I don't know that anyone reads this besides me. Its cathartic and maybe makes me feel a little better - just for verbalizing it.....

And so - we are three days away from getting this done. I don't know what time, I don't know exactly what will be done....I am hoping against hope and prayer, that this will all go well, that it will fix the problem and I can walk/dance and live with a pain-free ankle.

From my fingers - to God's eyes and ears.....

Doctor Visit

Well, I saw the orthopedic surgeon on Monday. He went over all the details of the surgery with me, explained everything, answered my questions and had me sign the papers agreeing to the surgery.

He is hoping to be able to take care of the lesion arthroscopically. Two little poke holes in the front of the ankle - grab the lesion - out and done. :::Photo from http://libweb.allencc.edu/CPT0072.html:::

Only problem is - he is not sure he will be able to actually see or get to the lesion because of its location using this method. He is hoping that with enough pressure on the ankle to extend it to it's fullest - he will be able to do it this way. (At least that's what I think he said)

But he did say he will make the decision quickly whether he can do the arthroscopy or not - so that there is little swelling to deal with should he need to do open surgery.

Now, if he has to do the open surgery, he will open my ankle on the inside of the ankle bone, break the bone (the tibia) in order to get to the lesion on the talus, clean out the mess on the talus, screw the bone (tibia) back together and then close it all up. :::Image from http://www.myfootshop.com/xq/ASP/Method.Condition/Value.Talar%20Dome%20Fracture/qx/searchresults.htm::: The only difference between what might have to be done for me and this image is that I will not have a graft.

I did ask about being awake for the surgery and while he doesn't really have an issue with it - it is something I need to discuss with the anesthesiologist. He did say though, that if he does have to do the open surgery - the spinal anesthesia may not last long enough and I may have to have general regardless. Not my favorite thing to hear or do. :-(

The simple surgery could be around an hour and a half, the more involved over 2.5 hours. While I SHOULD be coming home that same day - if the surgery is scheduled for later in the day and I'm awake for it - I may have to spend the night.

At this point there are too many variables to know for absolute sure what is happening or planned. Being able to "go with the flow" will be my best bet for the day.

Infection is one of the worst possible side effects - as is the potential of a blood clot. Since I do have a familial history of blood clots, he may put me on a blood thinner for a short time "just to be safe".

He also took time to re-examine the ankle and poke around it. He found some exquisitely sweet spots on it - despite the fact that daily pain has been minimal. (Except for walking on the beach on Sunday - something I love to do - but the sand and bare feet was not kind to the ankle.

So - surgery is on - approved by insurance. Extra visits to the surgeon have been approved. Meds will be approved by insurance if necessary and available at my local pharmacy. Handicapped parking decal already obtained....

I still have "crutch training" to do....that should be a load of fun....

So - slowly the house is getting ready...I've taken up the old carpet in our front room and installed a wood floor...dining room and hall are next - then I can freely slide my behind from couch to potty as necessary after my surgery.....

Not too bad....

The last few days have been busy...With surgery a reality in the near future, I'm trying to get things done here in the house....also had the potential of a court date to deal with....

The court date is no longer an issue.

Started installing a new wood floor in the living room. Except for the mess of taking up almost 25 years of old carpet - it's going OK. One third of the room is done. Hubby says this will make my life easier after surgery - I can just slid my butt from one room to another and not worry about bearing weight on the fixed ankle!

Today was funeral for someone from our church. Even in high heels and walking the uneven cemetery - ankle wasn't too bad.

Its days like these - where the pain is so minor it doesn't even feel like there is any - that makes me think perhaps I'm jumping the gun for surgery....

But then, the pain will come back and rear its nasty head and remind me of WHY I'm going to have the surgery....

But it's nice to have a few good days and feel like I've been productive. It really is nice.....

Back home in one piece....

Well, I am back home after a weekend trip. The trip was nice - a bit chillier than I would have preferred - and definitely WETTER - but fun.

The ankle survived the trip. It only caught a few times - but when it did - almost made me cry. Thankfully the students I was chaperoning didn't see.

What was nice, was that after the competition they attended on Saturday, we had free time at the hotel. The hotel had a pool and a hot tub.

Guess where I parked myself and my ankle?

The hot tub/whirlpool.

The water jets were actually too intense for me to rest my foot in front of them at all...but the warm water elsewhere in the tub was good. I would put my foot and ankle in the water for about 10 minutes, and then lift it out and stretch the muscles and more...immerse it....draw circles....immerse it and stretch some more. About two hours of that and my ankle felt almost human.

Too bad on Sunday it caught sharply and reminded me that there was a reason I was having surgery

Today I saw my primary care doc for my pre-surgery EKG, also went for blood draws. I think we are done with all the pre-admission testing for now. At least I hope.